Meaning of life

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

Maya Angelou

That explains why I got a butterfly tattoo, perfectly. I grew up in a cacoon life... I never spoke my mind, and believed what I was told - No questions asked. I was a good kid. I did a lot of back talking like most teens, but for the most part I was good. Almost perfect. 

When I was out on my own at 17. I still didn't go out and party or any of that. I was always inside in bed by 9. Don't get me wrong I had my crazy nights, but those were like 3 times out of the year kinda of deal - if that... When I get crazy I go big. So, that was rare special occasions. 

I was a good church girl. I went to church every Sunday, and bible studies, and whatever else in between.  I believed I was the perfect Christian. 

Perfection, that's what I believed my life was, but it really wasn't. Who's life is, really? I've dealt with a lot at an early age, and blocked out a lot of it as well.  I just choose to make everything.... Perfect. 

Until I realized I don't want perfection I want to live life through my imperfections. Be me, be free. Tell what's on my mind and say it gracefully. Let go when I should - easier said then done sometimes. Believe in myself and decisions. Believe in God even if it's to a waaay different tune than others. Challenge myself. Retrain  how I see myself. 

The best thing I've learned this year is to make my own choices with or without back up.  This is my life and I don't have to explain or be afraid of what others think. I've lived to long in that darkness and am finally in my own  light of happiness and discovery. 

That is what makes my life beautiful is being free from such a tight spot and learning to fly freely  without much fear. 

To Fear less